The smiling grandma on the train

Do you know that person? The old grandma sitting on the train.

She looks graceful, peaceful and simply full of love.

And she has that smile on her face – a smile that lets you know SHE knows the truth.

In the personal development workshop I attended during the past 4 days, I wrote some notes. A very short diary so to say. While sitting on the train, I wrote comments about my day into my workbook and I would like to share them with you today.

Day 1

I feel VERY unsettled, annoyed, unsatisfied and impatient about the goal of this workshop. They ask us to share and to open up. And when we do they just continue with the workshop. I want answers to my questions and reactions to my sharings. Why can´t you just answer? I can definitely feel some inner resistance about all this stuff. Very sceptical.

Day 2

When did I decide to think my thoughts? Well, good question! I don´t think I actually did. Nobody asked me if I wanted to think about random people´s muffintops or my teacher´s way to pronounce english words. Mh, I wonder which possibilities can open up for me when giving myself the opportunity to make the decision to believe in my mind or not.

Day 3

Maybe I am being brainwashed? Well, maybe. But actually I prefer being brainwashed into believing my dreams can become reality rather than allowing my “reality” to tell me the opposite. I start believing I can create who I want to be. So yes, a new possibility opened up for me today.

Maybe I can be the smiling grandma on the train.

I´ve always wanted to be her.

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This is why I said no to that 70k job offer

A couple of days ago I received a job offer. A headhunter from the UK thought I would be a good fit for a position paying 70k plus benefits and a brand new car. The vacancy was a perfectly logical consequence to my previous work experience.

It would connect the experience I had in the corporate world with the responsibility and flexibility I had in my latest job. But there was one thing the headhunter did not know.

I am not my CV.

My CV is based on acquired certificates and based on so called “facts” about my life. It does not reflect my hopes, dreams nor talents.

It does not show that every time I went to the library to write my Bachelor Thesis about “Change Management in IT Consulting”, I would allow myself to borrow one book for myself and that the books I chose were without exeption art history books and autobiographies of my favorite painters.

It also does not show that I chose a minimalist-oriented lifestyle that allows me to save as much money as possible just to spend it on my passions camera equipment and travels.

And finally, it does not show that feeling in my chest every time I see corporate people in suits. Or that I have fallen into depression several times during my “career” because I did not find any satisfaction, meaning, or joy in my work.

I am not blaming the headhunter. He was just doing his job. And after a bit back and forth he still wanted me for the job and I wrote him this message:

Dear XXX,

I appreciate your persistence. However, I am not the right girl for the position this time. When my heart is just not in it there is no need to put me on the shortlist of candidates.

It´s a privilege to have the freedom to say no to such a position.
All the best to your client and your search.
I hope you love what you do.
 
Have a great weekend!
Valeska