comfortable ≠ happy

Comfort.

Today I was sick at home and could not help myself but to watch cheesy love movies to keep myself entertained. And I felt like I discovered what I would call the comfort problem: The young couple falls in love. They fight their way to their loved one against all odds and after some misunderstandings and complications they finally fall into each other´s arms. THE END.

This is where comfort kicks in. Now the both of them are comfortable – and will live happily ever after. And I find myself planning and striving for this kind of comfort.

That´s what many people see as the ultimate goal in life. You know, having enough money to live without worrying. For most of us that means being able to pay your bills, finding a reliable partner, that we can come home to and who loves us unconditionally. Oh and let´s top it all off with some amazing children and a friendly social circle. What could be more comfortable than that?

Dreaming the dream is more exciting than living the dream

Why do so many people including myself believe life will just be roses and teddy-bears once you´ve built up to that so anticipated level of comfort? Actually, in my case, it has often been quite the opposite. Let´s take moving into an apartment with a romantic partner. Creating the idea was – exciting! Playing around with the idea in our imagination – simply wow! Apartment hunting and furnishing the place – lots of fun! But when it came to the act of REALLY living together… that´s when things all of the sudden were not so exciting anymore. Sure, I´d give it a couple of months. We can call it the “honeymoon phase”. That´s the time when you still wake up to your spous and say things like “Honey, I am so happy to live with you. You are the best person and partner I could wish for.” or “Good morning new flatmate – what shall we do today?”. But (in my case) things quickly turned sour and conversations were more about who should be doing the dishes this time or fights about who forgot to water the cactus. (NOT me.)

Yes yes, I know what you will say. Such is life and this is just everyday routine. That´s how it is and we all have to cope with it. But guys, I am not so sure about that. Maybe it´s just our extreme high level of comfort that leads us to complain about the little things? Or are we just too bored with our lives?

Maybe comfort should not be the ultimate goal after all.

But if not comfort – What goal could there be instead? I was about to create a goal for me and my year of 2015. However, when I tried to think about goals for myself, I paniced. I did not want any of these comfortable goals. The goals I want to create for myself are way beyond what I believed to be possible for me. So I had to open my mind and think a bit differently. A goal does not have to follow the traditional way of doing things. What is it that would truly make me happy? And that´s when I realized my goal could be to stay open to different possibilities. A NOT-goal so to say. I decided not to give in to the comfort of having a little box to creep into thinking “gosh, I am happy I finally put a lable on myself”. Instead I will be out there, boxless. Or you can put me into the “other” box if you wish. I´ll keep my mind open to new ideas and possibilities in the meanwhile.

Avoiding comfort is not the solution

However, avoiding comfort in a 21st century western country is pretty unrealistic. We are born into a world where materialistic discomfort plays a minor role. It was complete chance to be born into this kind of world. And I do not take it for granted. It is luxury we live in and luxury to be thinking about all this. This article was not born out of a “simpler-life-nostalgia”. And I am not telling people to stay away from comfort in order to live some kind of Ghandi anti-materialistic lifestyle in order to reach true happiness. Nevertheless, I do encourage you to see beyond the traditional goals of comfort like paying your bills, buying a house etc. And eventually create your own goals that you truly believe in and that will guide you to become a better version of yourself.

The smiling grandma on the train

Do you know that person? The old grandma sitting on the train.

She looks graceful, peaceful and simply full of love.

And she has that smile on her face – a smile that lets you know SHE knows the truth.

In the personal development workshop I attended during the past 4 days, I wrote some notes. A very short diary so to say. While sitting on the train, I wrote comments about my day into my workbook and I would like to share them with you today.

Day 1

I feel VERY unsettled, annoyed, unsatisfied and impatient about the goal of this workshop. They ask us to share and to open up. And when we do they just continue with the workshop. I want answers to my questions and reactions to my sharings. Why can´t you just answer? I can definitely feel some inner resistance about all this stuff. Very sceptical.

Day 2

When did I decide to think my thoughts? Well, good question! I don´t think I actually did. Nobody asked me if I wanted to think about random people´s muffintops or my teacher´s way to pronounce english words. Mh, I wonder which possibilities can open up for me when giving myself the opportunity to make the decision to believe in my mind or not.

Day 3

Maybe I am being brainwashed? Well, maybe. But actually I prefer being brainwashed into believing my dreams can become reality rather than allowing my “reality” to tell me the opposite. I start believing I can create who I want to be. So yes, a new possibility opened up for me today.

Maybe I can be the smiling grandma on the train.

I´ve always wanted to be her.

Youtubers I love: Ralph Smart

Today I want to share with you another youtuber I love. I have already talked about Marie Forleo who gives great advice for people who want to create a business and life you love.

Today I´d like to introduce you to Ralph Smart. He is one of the most diligent youtubers producing videos almost every second day. His channel is called “infinite waters – diving deep”. And as the title promises: He definitely dives deep. I love to watch him when I am in a philosophical mood. I´ve gained some great insights from watching his videos. He shares with us what he has learned “along his journey” of finding spirituality.

Here you go, Ralph´s channel:

Ralph´s channel

Happiness NOW

“Wow, it´s so nice here. I have to come again some times.” Or “We had such a great time. Let´s catch up soon.”
Do you know that feeling when you visit a new restaurant, or generally a new place, or you hang out with a nice person for the first time?

It seems like such a normal thing to do and sometimes it might just be an expression of how much we are enjoying ourselves. However, many of us try to extend the good time we had into the future without fully experiencing the present.

What do I mean with that?

If you are already thinking about when to come back to this place, whom to bring and what to talk about, maybe even what you could do better next time – it´s not possible to live the moment to the fullest. E.g. you are hiking alongside a beautiful lake and your mind goes: “Next time I should bring food. We could make a picknick here. Oh and let´s ask Linda and John if they want to come along. Their dog would have a great time. This could be our small hide-away. Let´s come back at least once per year.” Wow. You have build a whole imaginary future for yourself based on a snippet of your current experience. Are you then REALLY enjoying the moment and living this experience to the fullest? Nope, you are not even present. You are living in the future. And you probably missed a great chance to experience happiness NOW. In that very moment.

Many times when we do something without having any expectations we get surprised by how much fun we can have. If we give ourselves to the moment and allow ourselves to experience this moment without clinging to the fun parts we can actually have EVEN MORE fun! Nice.