A german dress, rubber boots and a kitchen knife.

Tuesday evening. I am surrounded by spooky gloomyness of the approaching winter. These fall days are treating me with warm temperatures while the trees are loosing their leaves and the ground is moist. In the mornings the city is captured by thick fog that slowly vaporizes over the day.

I live on a cemetery.

From my window I can directly see onto the graves and at night my apartment gets the candle light from our  gone beloved ones. I don´t mind living here. It has something special.

We have a school project for photography school where we are supposed to fill a roll of black and white analogue film with self portraits. The task is to make the portaits something special. Well, what could be more special than a girl in gloomy weather on a graveyard? Oh I know – A Germany girl wearing her traditional dress, rubber boots and a knife on a graveyard.

So I went outside with my tripod, digital camera, analogue camera and my “accessories”. I find taking pictures analogue is MUCH harder than digitally. I am checking the light, selecting the right frame, make sure I am actually in focus and in the frame and then finally press the shutter. I can never really know if I´ve done anything right until the film is developed. Oh, good old times! So to be a bit more sure about what I am doing I am always test-shooting the frames beforehand with my digital camera. This allows me to be more sure of my settings and then I “simply” transfer everything to the film camera.

Imagine me, in my German dirndl, and rubber boots constantly running back and forth between my position in the frame and my tripod checking the frames, settings and repeatedly pressing the timer. I am so focused on my task that I don´t even notice the high nettles in the grass that are brushing my bare calves every time I run back and forth between my two positions. My skin itches and burns and reacts with redness.

The light eventually fades and I don´t have another choice but to go back home. Tired from the intense shoot I go back. When I try to open the door I realize I forgot to bring my keys. And here I am. Locked out of my apartment.




Since I am able to write this blog post I probably managed to get back in 😉

People are staring.

Monday night. It´s just me and my headphones. The song has been playing over and over again and I can´t help myself. I start to dance. My feet are moving on their own. I would not call it moonwalk but something similar – in less perfection – takes place. This beat, lovely lyrics and …

… a car honks at me. Whops. I am in public! I smile and wave at the girl in the car and think to myself “that´s Berlin.”.

This incident makes me think about the impact of music on us. Research has shown that music has greater impact on teenagers as they are developing their brains rapidly generating new synapses. They show strong reactions when exposed to music leading them to feel everything from depression to full ecstasy. Am I still in the teenager development state?

Biologically not. But I have noticed how my mood is strongly influenced by music. A couple of days back I found a note to myself. It stated “Have you ever noticed how you are completely in your own world with headphones? You can walk through a crowd of people and don´t get affected by their mood. Even when people are stressed and angry around you it is possible to stay calm.”

Isn´t that interesting? Music can be a stress repellant barrier between yourself and others? If music is taking the mind away from absorbing how others around you are feeling – mustn´t it be possible to set your mind to such a state at all time? A state where you feel this happiness inside, where you don´t absorbe negative energy from others and a place where you simply start to dance in the streets?

Until I figure out how, I´ll experiment some more with my research on the influence of music on my mood…

Forced positivity? Sucks.

Many times when people get more into spirituality and the search for happiness they hear about being positive. And yeah, that´s a great thing. But ALWAYS being positive? Sucks.
Check out my latest video here:

In the video:

  • 3 reasons why being positive at all time sucks
  • A technique on how to listen to your inner voice
  • How I handle positivity